let freedom ring

i went on a road trip last weekend. charleston and savannah have me hooked. i never expected to be so smitten with the south, but i am. 

it was perfect. too perfect to articulate, but full of heavy food, car singing, sunshine, and the slowly but surely expanding limits of my comfort zone. redneck bars in statesboro can do that to ya. 

i feel so happy and grateful to be here. grateful to be growing and learning in a place that unselfishly offers me beauty and adventure without me even asking for it. i feel such pride for my country here. freedom is ringing inside of me.

there are freedoms that are given to us but there are also freedoms that we have to take. sometimes you simply cannot wait for permission. there is no one there who can give it. the lesson of my young adulthood has been the importance of utilizing my agency to choose growth. there are always growing pains but there is a certain beauty and serenity in dismantling my own walls, brick by brick, rather than waiting for them to be torn down. i'm still getting better. and i hope i always will.

liberated

this weekend left me feeling pretty free.
i'm not exactly sure what it was.
it was probably the combination of everything.
but i drove back to provo listening to on top of the world by imagine dragons,
over and over because i feel so happy when i listen to it.
and i realized just how wonderful china is going to be for me. 
my life started to disintegrate three years ago from the day i'll be leaving for china,
and don't get me wrong, i've had thousands of happy moments and huge blessings
and countless full hearts.
but i'm not sure i've 100% recovered yet. i'm not all the way back.
it takes a long time to recover.
it's a long way down. it's a long way up.
and i think i'm going to get there in china.
it's exactly what i need:
no drama, no family messes, no job hunting, no essays, and no boys for heavens sakes. 
just three of my best friends, a bunch of adorable kids, and a million adventures.
and i'll have no time to think about myself. just others.
that's some major heart-distance diminishing there. some major comfort-zone expanding, too.
isn't that lovely?

and i also realized that i can do whatever i want.
i can set my mind to it, and i can do it.

i'm on top of the world, ay,
i'm on top of the world, ay,
been waiting on this for a while now
paying my dues to the dirt
i've been waiting to smile, ay,
been holding it in for a while, ay,
take it with me if i can
been dreaming of this since a child
i'm on top of the world.

and i know it's hard when you're falling down
and it's a long way up when you hit the ground
so get up now, get up now, get up now.