i'm still living

in fact, i'm very much alive.
i am looking at the tops of trees again
and noticing flowers. and tasting rain and singing loud to norah jones.
i spent two hours in front of one norman rockwell in the museum the other day. right next to it was two photographs of louis armstrong and ella fitzgerald, and there was a sensor there so when you moved it would start playing "dream a little dream of me",
so i sat there on that stool and stared at that painting of a church in new york city and dreamed a little dream and it was absolutely perfect.
i'm so happy and so full and so me. and so capable.
and life is good.

lessons learned

how sweet it is to have friends like these.

this summer has taught me a lot.
a lot about how to enjoy my own company,
to use time wisely
(and how not to),
how to keep loving new people and not ever closing my heart,
how to work hard and endure,
how to find joy in places you thought you'd hate (food 2 go anyone?)
but most importantly,
a lot about how beautiful & sacred the temple is.
i appreciate it now more than i ever have in my life,
and it has brought me so much peace and comfort.
it has truly become my most important sanctuary.

i would never have guessed where this summer would have taken me,
but i've grown a lot and have enjoyed it so much.

next up, weihai in 11 days!!

beautiful

today, in the middle of a crazy shift at work, i got to take a turn sitting outside and waiting for customers to pick up their orders.
it was 7 o'clock and the sun was up but it hadn't broken over the mountain yet. it kept inching up, lighting the hill and making the trees look like they were glowing from the inside out. the mountains had that fuzzy yellow quality to them, and it was warm. and i just sat, and thought, and cherished the beauty.
i watched people walk by and i said hello to them from behind our makeshift desk constructed of a metal cart and two very large navy tablecloths. & there were a lot of couples, and they were in love, the real kind that leads to rings on fingers. and the sun made her green dress bright, and he kissed her, and then she went to work.
the sun came up over the mountain, and i ignored the buzz of thousands of efy kids behind me, and i enjoyed my 30 minutes of peace.

today, i came home to a letter addressed to hannah "sundrop" kroes,
but i still got discouraged
(money + being a college student can do that to you)
and a few tears came out of my eyes,
but then i decided to open my scriptures
and they opened to alma 32, just like they always do.

so i'll just keep nourishing that seed.