'cause seriously, these 52 kids are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

and how is there a proper way to say goodbye to that?

today i stood on daguanghua's stage with confetti raining down on me, in front of my cheering kids, and i've probably never felt more complete.

they're beautiful and every second with them was worth it, even the seconds where i was yelling or frustrated or tired. because of the "i love you twenty hundred"s and biggest hugs i've ever gotten,

"good morning teacha hannnnnnah"s, funky chickens, nose beeps, & gangnam style.

because i can guarantee that gangnam style means nothing to you unless you lived in china during it's height. unless you've heard the young and old alike sing "heeeeyyyyyy sesssy layday!"

the people--the kids--are the reason i love china so much. 

i <3 eu, "oh teacher, you are not going to america. you are just going to beijing, okay?", hatin' on japan, baby & party in the u.s.a.

china and my children have given me more unconditional love, purpose, and joy then any other place or group i've been with. on thursday i'm going to wake up in america and i will be so happy to be there, but i will not be their teacher anymore. who will i be then?

i guess i'll always be teacher hannah. 

"do you still want to be a magician when you grow up?"

"no, when i grow up i want to be an american."

wo ai ni.

i'll love you long after you're gone.

what's up?

john & phillip made my day today.

after days and possibly weeks of drilling,

they came up to me and said, "hey teacher, what's up? NOT MUCH!"

i am so proud.

here

i am going to be home in 23 days,

or so says my christmas advent calendar

and i couldn't be more terrified.

because this is home, too.

every second of every day i'm thinking about what i'm going to miss and i'm trying to soak it in

but if i think too hard i get so scared, because i can never come back.

because all i want to be for the rest of my life is their teacher,

and their friend, and this is the best thing i have ever done.

you know how things sometimes feel fuzzy, like dreams, like they never happened? college feels like that.

this doesn't. every second of it seems real. more real than anything i've ever experienced. 

i have been totally present for every second of this crazy adventure.

i'm so grateful for here. i'm so much better because of here.

because i'm not here for me. i am, but it's not about me--it's about every single other person i've met. 

my heart is 1000x bigger.

so you know, i'm hoping that means that the heart-distance between me and here will never be too big.

happy holidays from weihai first and second grade!

see you soon.

the one with the ocarina & my body weight in skewered dishes

this weekend was a winner.

not only did we get to view the school assembly, which was a big ocarina concert (yeah shelb you'd love it),

bethany and i got to hang out with one of our cutest students, teddy, and his friends and family.

we got to go to teddy's grandma's apple farm where we were each given a bag of 30 apples by grandma, 

who was sorting apples on the ground with a red hat sideways on her head.

other highlights were the fact that teddy, a seven year old, has his own pocketful of tiny fireworks and lighters. we lit those off.

i also ate my body weight in chinese food for lunch and dinner with them, as well as a big barbeque the next day at another family's house.

huge, head-on shrimp? check.

oysters and a whole fish? check.

an array of unknown meats on skewers? check.

dumplings half the size of my head, italian meat flavored potato chips, persimmons, and for REAL chinese orange chicken (it exists!)? check check check check.

also, they had cheesecake. cheesecake!!

after we left the restaurant we saw a dalmatian wiener dog. 

and i found a chicken foot in my lunch today at the cafeteria.

china can be weird.

love it.

eleven

alex walked into class this morning and said, "tee-cha, you are beautiful!"

i said, "thank you, alex!!!" what kind of sweet six year old says that? let alone in a second langauge?

he said, "teacher, i lub you too! i lub you too!"

(we tell each other how much we love each other all the time)

and annie ran up to me and said, with big eyes, 

"teacher! i love you ELEVEN!"

oh. how will i ever leave them?

my chinese family

chinese people are very generous. and they seem to like allie & i, which means that we get to go on lots of real authentic chinese adventure with them.

may is the second grade teacher whose classroom i teach in. monica is her daughter, who is also one of allie's students. they are the sweetest family and they take us to do things at least once a week. 

i could give you a million stories about our times with them, but to keep it short here's some photos and explanations.

1. me fishing at the beach on national day with doug (another second grader)

2. that one time when allie and i biked may, monica, and the father of the family (who speaks no english which means he has a name we cannot pronounce) up a seaside mountain on the tandem bike car thing.

3. beautiful little monica on the swings we rode at the beach carnival.

4. kevin. the most adorable little boy. he is my buddy when we go to do things with the chinese families, but he is too shy to talk to me.

5. me with alex, doug, and their mothers from when we went fishing.

6. classic treats at linhai park: dates on a stick & cotton candy.

1. us at the buddhist temple on weihai's holy mountain, with monica and mary.

2. classic picture. a) the random asian who asked for pictures with us b) allie in her grass skiing gear c) me getting my helmet strapped on by the employee of the grass skiing place, who is either excited enough about me to want to help me with everything, or thinks i'm one of those dumb americans who doesn't know how to do anything.

3. me and my dumpling. we went to the beach with may and a few other families, and the women taught us how to make dumplings.

4. favorite chinese treats: dark chocolate and coconut milk. may knows me so well.

5. kevin & i on our toboggan.

6. my chinese friend whose name sounds like "john wayne" ducking out of the picture of me riding the conveyor belt up the gradual incline which i was about to grass ski down. yeah it's a thing. i could literally be a professional athlete here. and you know how coordinated i am.

china. as good as ever.

i love chinese families. there is so much love for everyone within them. the marriages seem so solid and both parents are completely devoted to their child. of course there's problems here, but aside from everything wrong, they have the most loving, solid, supportive families i've ever seen. the entire society revolves around family. it is the core. so wonderful to see.

red and orange and blue

i wish that i could show you or make you feel

the things i see and the way i feel them.

one of the happiest days of my life consisted of 24 first graders and one parachute,

a yard sale in china that felt exactly like a pumpkin festival in the united states,

cupcakes i made that sold for 5 kuai each,

down by the banks of the hanky panky,

and a thousand blown kisses from this little boy.

i know it's bad to have favorite students, but he is unquestionably mine. 

something about his light reminds me of my little brother's.

china feels like home now, because it is.

this is my city.

fun fact for you, to put weihai in perspective:

if it was in the states, it would be the third largest city, behind new york and la. 

we are in china, however, where it doesn't even make it on the map.

well, i'm off to go fishing at the beach with a second grade teacher and her family. wish me luck!