littles

i adore lithuania. i adore the translucent green trees and the ubiquitous lakes and the baroque architecture and the breathtaking train rides. i adore lithuania's complications and contrasts and the spectacular 10 pm sunsets. i love my free sunny mornings, my evenings brushing through fields as tall as me and my nights on the swing set. i love touching little heads and holding little hands, and oh, how i crave those little hugs.

for some reason i'm resistant to saying i'm a kid person. it's some kind of feminist attempt to prove the point that women can be women regardless of how nurturing they are, but in all honestly i am 100% "a kid person". i love them. i'm not the kind of person that hits it off immediately with kids but i do have this pretty powerful ability to bond with them through quiet love. i am happiest when i have them in my life, and i think there are two reasons for that. one is their loyalty, trust, and their simple, straightforward, and bottomless love. the other is their wonder, spontaneity, imagination, spunk, and joy. the world is full of love with children, and it is also filled with beauty and adventure.

i'm starting to feel that completion again, that wholeness of self and purpose that came to me in china and that was so very hard to leave. i love who i am when i am a teacher. i sure as hell don't get it all right, but luckily i work with the most forgiving souls on this earth.

'cause seriously, these 52 kids are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

and how is there a proper way to say goodbye to that?

today i stood on daguanghua's stage with confetti raining down on me, in front of my cheering kids, and i've probably never felt more complete.

they're beautiful and every second with them was worth it, even the seconds where i was yelling or frustrated or tired. because of the "i love you twenty hundred"s and biggest hugs i've ever gotten,

"good morning teacha hannnnnnah"s, funky chickens, nose beeps, & gangnam style.

because i can guarantee that gangnam style means nothing to you unless you lived in china during it's height. unless you've heard the young and old alike sing "heeeeyyyyyy sesssy layday!"

the people--the kids--are the reason i love china so much. 

i <3 eu, "oh teacher, you are not going to america. you are just going to beijing, okay?", hatin' on japan, baby & party in the u.s.a.

china and my children have given me more unconditional love, purpose, and joy then any other place or group i've been with. on thursday i'm going to wake up in america and i will be so happy to be there, but i will not be their teacher anymore. who will i be then?

i guess i'll always be teacher hannah. 

"do you still want to be a magician when you grow up?"

"no, when i grow up i want to be an american."

wo ai ni.

i'll love you long after you're gone.