four years

when i was fifteen, i walked through the streets of washington d.c. for the first time. this was the very first time i fell in love, and it was with matisse. this was also the very last time i ever saw my parents hold hands. that city was the start and the end of so many things.

it's four years later and a lot of forgiveness and loneliness and hard work has happened, and i am returning. and i will be staying for a while. when i was fifteen i came home and i stole a little blue jar from the cabinet and named it my wish jar. i placed dozens of folded up wishes inside that jar and one of them was to intern in washington d.c. i didn't know if i could do it then. now i am.

i'm twenty now. and it's funny how that wish jar worked. since then, my life has been a series of spontaneous but very important decisions. i mean, all of the big ones have been made in crunch time and within a matter of days. and it's working. i'm working too.

newness is my familiar. i feel very at ease now and i haven't been all year. the most important lesson i have learned in my life is that change happens and that the only thing that really stays is god. i should have known, but i forgot.

god has stayed with me. he has stayed with me when i have been selfish and stubborn and doubtful and resistant. and still he sees me fit enough to bless like this. i am so humbled.