here

i am going to be home in 23 days,

or so says my christmas advent calendar

and i couldn't be more terrified.

because this is home, too.

every second of every day i'm thinking about what i'm going to miss and i'm trying to soak it in

but if i think too hard i get so scared, because i can never come back.

because all i want to be for the rest of my life is their teacher,

and their friend, and this is the best thing i have ever done.

you know how things sometimes feel fuzzy, like dreams, like they never happened? college feels like that.

this doesn't. every second of it seems real. more real than anything i've ever experienced. 

i have been totally present for every second of this crazy adventure.

i'm so grateful for here. i'm so much better because of here.

because i'm not here for me. i am, but it's not about me--it's about every single other person i've met. 

my heart is 1000x bigger.

so you know, i'm hoping that means that the heart-distance between me and here will never be too big.

happy holidays from weihai first and second grade!

see you soon.